Gutterflower
by emerald-soco
Summary: Jimmy Brooks thinks his life is over. Manny Santos is determined to change hers for the better. Can they help each other bury the past once and for all?
1. What A Scene

Hey all! Guess who's back (finally!)? With this brand new story, too! And it's all about Jimmy and Manny! I'm anxious to get any feedback so I know if I should continue or not, so please remember to leave a review! And, disclaimer – the chapter titles are from a Goo Goo Dolls cd, and all the italicized quotes are from their songs. The characters are also not mine (surprise, surprise). Enjoy!

**What A Scene**

_How does it feel when you find out what you're not gonna be?_

Jimmy Brooks was shot on an unseasonably warm Tuesday in March.

In the following days, the doctors would be sure to mention repeatedly how lucky he'd been. His mother would sob messily at his bedside and thank God for sparing him, his father standing awkwardly in the doorway and nodding along with her prayers. Hazel, Spinner, Paige, Marco … everyone who visited would gush over his good fortune until he was tempted to remove his IV and finish Rick's job.

He didn't remember much of anything about the shooting itself. As much as his therapist pushed and prodded with all the right questions, no matter how many nights he sat up torturing himself with recollection, he couldn't quite recall the scene.

Rick had approached innocently enough. That much Jimmy was sure of. He'd still been feeling sorry for the kid at that point. Rick had been working so hard to get back into Degrassi's good graces. And the quiz show had meant so much to him. To have all his success ruined by some loser's idea of a practical joke was a damn shame, in Jimmy's opinion.

But something had been different about him. Jimmy could kick himself (and, yes, he recognized the irony of that statement) for not having seen it. Rick had been almost … mechanical that afternoon. Jimmy should have realized something was off. He was supposed to be smart.

He was also supposed to be in school right now. Instead, he was stuck staring blankly at the wall behind his therapist's head, pretending to listen to her "No, I've never been shot, but I think I can still offer some good advice to a person in your situation" psychobabble.

"Jimmy?" Claire Stevenson rapped her pen against her legal pad three times to get his attention. It was always three times when she realized his mind had wandered. Twice was when he'd said something she found particularly "insightful" and once meant she disagreed with one of his more morbid statements. "Jimmy, what are you thinking about?"

_There are no stupid questions_, he tried to remind himself, but a more sarcastic response was already working its way out of his mouth. "Gee, Claire, I was debating whether or not I should indulge in a second helping of flavorless jello tonight, or if that would just put my girlish figure right over the edge."

Her only reply to his attitude was a lifted brow and one sharp tap of the pen. "I'm going to take that response to mean you were thinking about the shooting."

"Oh, that? Psh." Feigning carelessness, he brushed the issue aside with a wave of his hand. "That was ages ago, I've moved on to more important matters."

"Jimmy." Claire's disapproval was apparent. "Sarcasm is an admirable verbal defense but, really, it's no way to deal with so large of an issue."

Jimmy sighed and rubbed his eyes tiredly. "Yeah, I know. So you keep saying."

"And you keep not _listening_," she pressed. That was always Claire's biggest concern. He supposed it wasn't completely her fault that she was so caught up on the listening issue. He guessed it was something she was used to focusing on, seeing as how much she listened determined how big her paycheck was. "So. How 'bout we try it the other way? You talk. I'll listen."

"We've done that, too, Clare. We've been over and over this. I've told you everything I remember seeing, thinking, feeling … _not _feeling," he added with a nod to his legs. "What else do you really want me to say about the whole goddamn thing?"

She lifted her hands. "You can say whatever you want to say, Jimmy."

Right. Whatever he wanted to say. As long as it wasn't too bitter, sarcastic, or honest. Just like he could tell his mother all about it, as long as he was careful to leave out all the gruesome details. Just like Hazel wanted to be there for him the whole way through, but couldn't even stomach hearing him throw up through the hospital's thin walls.

_Just tell her you're cured, man, _an inner voice instructed. _You're over it and you're going to be just fine._

_She's a professional, _he countered mentally. _I think she can tell when a patient is just telling her what she wants to hear._

_Give it a shot anyway. She doesn't really care either way. Say _something_ to get her off your back._

Decision made, he opened his mouth to speak as a knock sounded on the door.

"Hold that thought," Claire instructed, and called for the intruder to come in.

Jimmy's primary doctor – Bedingfield, a kindly old man who seemed to specialize in bad jokes and long-winded stories that supposedly had morals – poked his head into the room. "Sorry to interrupt, Dr. Stevenson, but could I steal Jimmy away early today?"

There was a moment of silence in which they both processed his words. For Dr. Bedingfield to seek out Jimmy and abruptly end his session meant he must have important news of some sort. And far be it for Jimmy to be a pessimist, but things hadn't been going so well for him lately and he had a sinking feeling it was going to be bad.

Claire collected herself first and cleared her throat to restart more normal interaction. "He's all yours, Doc." Setting her pen firmly down on the desktop, she beamed a smile in Jimmy's direction. "Same time tomorrow?"

"Sure," he responded dully. Usually, he would have made some kind of rude remark in their closing moments, but he was distracted by Bedingfield hovering in the doorway. He wheeled himself into the hallway and swiveled to face the older man. "What's up, Doc?"

"The latest test results are in." Dr. Bedingfield clapped one hand to Jimmy's shoulder in a reassuring manner. "Follow me."

Shoulders slumped, Jimmy followed the man who held his future in a slim manila envelope.

XXX

Manny Santos wasn't at Degrassi the day Rick changed its history forever. With everyone at school looking down their noses at her, she didn't feel the need to shower the nerd herd – led by her former best friend – with her school spirit. And seeing as she had a far more important issue to deal with, she'd chosen to duck out early and take a cab to the clinic.

Later, after hearing the story retold a thousand times by reporters and classmates alike, she calculated that at the moment the first shot was fired, she was finishing the forms the receptionist had given her. By the time Sean stepped in to save Emma's life, inadvertently taking Rick's, Manny had donned a paper gown and was waiting anxiously to take the next step.

_Dr. Ames knocked briskly, but entered without waiting for Manny's assent. Fitting her gloves to her hands with a frightening snap, she introduced herself and began the exam._

"_Manuela Santos."_

"_Uh, Manny," she corrected nervously. "It's just … Manny."_

_Dr. Ames glanced up from her notes just long enough to flash a toothless smile. "Right. Manny. Age seventeen. Sexually active since …?"_

"_Just last month." Feeling oddly on trial, she rushed to explain. "It was just one time, and I didn't even mean for it to happen, things just …"_

"_Got out of hand," the older woman supplied, her lack of emotion implying that she'd heard it all before. "So the act was consensual. Did you use protection?"_

_Manny faltered. "N – no. We were a little, um … we weren't really prepared."_

"_I see." Dr. Ames scribbled something illegible in her notes and eyed Manny over the rims of her glasses. "And how late is your period?"_

"_Three weeks. I should've gotten it right after we … Craig and I … did … um. What we did."_

_Manny wanted to curl up in her chair and die. Saying it out loud made the night she and Craig had shared seem … tawdry, foolish somehow. Mentally reliving it made her heart ache as her abdomen hadn't in weeks._

"_We weren't just being stupid teenagers," she burst out. She was suddenly desperate for this woman, this absolute stranger, to understand. "Or I wasn't, at least. I mean, I was, but I … I really love him. He loves me, too, he just … he's just confused. He needs time."_

"_Okay." Dr. Ames set her notes aside and stood. "That's enough, Manny. I'm just going to run a few tests and then we'll see how things go, okay?"_

"_Um. Doctor? How long will it take until we … until I … know?"_

_The woman paused in her preparations and laid a comforting hand on Manny's shoulder. "Getting the results won't take long, Manny. My secretary will probably phone you by the end of the week."_

_Nodding, Manny took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and waited to learn what the future, already decided, held in store for her._

Now, a week later, her cell phone rang shrilly as she let herself in the door from school. Dropping her bag on the kitchen counter, she kissed her mother's cheek distractedly as she answered, "Hello?"

"Hello, I'm calling for Manuela Santos, please."

"This is she," Manny answered, frowning. She was never referred to as Manuela. "Who's calling?"

"This is Debbie, from the clinic. You met with Dr. Ames here last week?"

"Oh." Her stomach clenching with nerves, Manny turned her back on her mother, making her way to her bedroom and locking the door. "I guess that means …"

"That I'm calling to inform you about the results of your test, yes."

Manny wanted more than anything just to say she had no idea what this woman was talking about and hang up the phone. She wished she'd never gone to the stupid clinic. She wished that whatever Debbie was about to say wouldn't matter, that it just wouldn't even affect her one way or the other.

"Manuela, are you still with me?"

"Y – yes," Manny stuttered. _Deep breaths_, she coached herself. "Yes. Okay. I'm here. I'm ready."

Debbie waited another moment just to be sure before breaking the news. "Manuela … the test confirmed that you are, indeed, pregnant."

"I … I … I'm what?"

"Pregnant, dear. Congratulations."

The dial tone sounded, but Manny couldn't register it with the woman's life-changing words echoing in her ears. She was pregnant. _Pregnant._ Her, Manny Santos, who was going to be a famous singer and marry Craig and live happily ever after.

Pregnant. What the hell was she going to do?"

XXX

Jimmy wasn't surprised to find his parents waiting in the private hospital room they'd secured for him. He supposed he should have felt comforted by their presence, but instead it made him queasy and claustrophobic.

"How's he doing, Doctor?" his father questioned, the words out of his mouth before Dr. Bedingfield had finished easing the door shut. "Any progress?"

The doctor's lips quirked upwards. "In the thirty minutes since we last discussed his progress? I'm afraid there's been no change, Arthur."

Jimmy coughed into his hand to hide his grin. His father's constant need for updates irritated him to no end, but he couldn't quite find the heart to tell the man off. Or maybe it was the nerve he was missing – after all, when Jimmy stood, he and Arthur were eye to eye, but from his new vantage point, they were hardly on equal ground.

"Jimmy? Are you okay?" His mother went immediately to his side, hands flitting anxiously about. "That cough doesn't sound very good."

"Fine, I'm fine," he assured her. "Something was in my throat, that's all."

Reading the situation perfectly, Dr. Bedengfield stepped in. "Uh, Arthur, Grace, I wonder if I couldn't get a moment alone with Jimmy. We have a few matters to discuss … in private."

Arthur bristled at that. "What could you possibly have to say to our son that we couldn't be here for?"

"I'd like to go over Jimmy's options with him again," Dr. Bedengfield continued smoothly, "And as Dr. Stevenson assures me that he is in a much better state of mind, I can't think of a more perfect time to do it."

Grace looked hopeful for the first time in the week since Jimmy had been brought in. "He's really doing better?"

"Absolutely," Dr. Bedengfield promised, ushering both of them out the door. "We'll just discuss a few details and be with you momentarily. In the meantime, I'm concerned that you two aren't taking care of yourselves, why don't you head down to the cafeteria and grab something to eat? This won't take long."

"You're my hero," Jimmy declared as soon as his parents were out of earshot. "Really."

"Oh, parents are easy," Dr. Bedengfield confided. "You can tell them what they want to hear and make them disappear, at least temporarily. Patients … patients are more difficult." He eyed Jimmy seriously. "Even though you want to tell them everything will be fine, that's not always a possibility."

Jimmy swallowed. "Nice segue. What're you saying, Doc?"

"Your test results came back, Jimmy, and I'm not gonna mince words with you, you've got … you've got a hard time ahead of you. With the extent of the damage done to your lower body, it'll be almost impossible to make a full recovery."

"You telling me I won't play ball again? Is that it?" Jimmy fought against the tide of rage he felt sweeping through him, trying to stay calm. He hated the look of pity in the doctor's eyes. "No NBA in my future?"

"Jimmy. What I'm trying to say is … you may never walk again."


	2. Up, Up, Up

So here's the next installment of the story. Also, a quick note – a few reviewers have mentioned that my timeline is off, so here's the deal: instead of Manny getting pregnant and having the abortion when she was 14, just pretend that whole storyline happened at 17, about a month before the shooting. Capice? Enjoy!

**Up, Up, Up**

_Aren't you terrified of waking up too tired to try again?_

"_I know what you're going to say."_

_Manny stops, loses her words, drops her heart into the pit of her stomach. "Wh – what?"_

_"Manny." He is smiling – no, he is more than smiling, Craig is beaming; radiating a happiness she's never seen him express outside of her daydreams. And when he takes her hand, their fingers fit together as they never used to: his hands are no longer too big and rough with calluses; hers are not tiny and trembling. "I _know_."_

_"Who – who told you?"_

_"It doesn't matter." He lifts both of their hands to brush a stray stand of hair away from her face. Manny is mesmerized by the joint action, how surely he leads and how easily she follows. "Nothing else matters now, Manny. Just us."_

_"Just us," she repeats. "All of us."_

_Craig moves their hands in the direction of her stomach, which is bulging with what they will soon share. Manny loves the new curve, relishes the feel of her skin stretching with new life. She finds it fitting, a physical manifestation of the overwhelming love she feels for Craig._

_"Except –" Craig stills his arm, leaving their hands to hover just inches away from their future. "There's one problem."_

_Manny freezes with his lack of motion, her eyes glued to his. "What? What is it?"_

_"I don't think we should have this baby."_

_"But … Craig. It's _ours_. We did this. We should follow through on it. We should raise it together. We should _be _together."_

_"I think so, too." He let go of her hand so that hers fell lifelessly to her lap and his came up to caress her face. "I want to be with you, Manny. But I don't want this baby. Which do you want more? The baby … or me?"_

Manny awoke in a cold sweat. The details of her dream were already turning gray and fuzzy, but the emptiness it had evoked remained. She'd been thinking nonstop about how to approach Craig for the past seven days. No matter how many different times, how many different ways, she envisioned it, it always ended badly. Her most current nightmare was one of her least favorite.

She wanted Craig. There was no denying that, no way around it. She had wanted him since she was fourteen; a silly teenybopper with a schoolgirl crush on Degrassi's resident badass. She wanted him so much she couldn't breathe sometimes with the force of it.

And a baby. A baby could be the best thing for them. Manny truly believed that having this baby was all they needed. Being pregnant was a sort of miracle, she'd decided. It was the perfect thing to bring her and Craig back to each other, to strengthen the bond they'd always had.

Now all she had to do was convince him of the same thing. Pushing the dream to the back of her mind, Manny stood and began to prepare herself. Her life depended on the outcome of the conversation she would have today.

Hers … and her baby's.

XXX

Jimmy had never realized how small Degrassi was. Not until he was forced to maneuver down the hallways, taking corners and dodging classmates, in the bulkiest, most unyielding contraption ever invented … the brand new mode of transportation that had seamlessly replaced the used car his parents had been talking about … a wheelchair.

Not to mention that everywhere he went, he could hear people's whispers following him. It was like everyone believed he'd lost the use of his ears along with his legs.

_"I heard he tried to kill himself when the doctors told him."_

_"I don't blame him. He was really good at basketball … he could've been famous."_

_"Yeah … guess there's not much hope of that now."_

_"No way. You see that wheelchair? That's permanent."_

It was overhearing this conversation, between a Grade Ten who'd once confessed to having "the _biggest _crush" on him at a party and the guy who would be taking his place on the team, that had sent Jimmy straight for the gym. Thankfully, it was always empty during lunchtime. He'd spent many a fifth period skipping bad sandwiches and day-old stews in favor of practicing his moves for whatever scout had taken a serious interest in recruiting him at the time.

It's different now, though. Practicing his moves meant going through the extremely painful physical therapy regiment designed to keep his numb, useless lower limbs in good condition in case they ever decided to start working again. The only professionals taking interest in him were medical doctors who got paid his college tuition to tell him the same thing over and over again: that he has to be patient, that it's doesn't look good, but it's not hopeless, either.

Now, he wheeled his way around the gym and felt like he was trespassing somehow, as if he no longer belonged in what was once his sanctuary. Now, he palmed a basketball, dribbled it a few times, and took a shot that didn't even come close to the rim.

"Damn it!" he cursed as the ball hit the wall, fell to the floor, and rolled away. "God _damn_ it."

The tears burning the backs of his eyelids felt almost as bad as the hot shame that filled his insides. To lose the one thing he'd had a talent for, to be unable to play the sport he loved, it was a tragedy, an unlucky circumstance, a horrible accident. But he didn't feel blameless. He felt … guilty. All the time. Like he should have known, could have stopped it, could have saved the day and himself in one grand, superhero gesture.

But Rick had gotten the better of him. The _best _of him, really, in the end. He hadn't just taken Jimmy's legs, he'd ruined his livelihood, his career, and quite possibly his future. Without basketball, Jimmy didn't know what to do. Without use of his legs, he didn't know what he _could_ do.

He didn't even know who he was anymore.

Head spinning with the realization, Jimmy wheeled towards the gym's doors, anxious to escape the thought. He would go to his next class and immerse himself in whatever they were learning. He would pretend that he wasn't on his feet simply because he wasn't allowed to be during classtime, that it had nothing to do with the fact that if he tried to get up and sharpen his pencil he would fall flat on his face and not be able to get himself back up.

He was almost to the door when it burst open and he collided with a small figure whose face was almost a stranger's as she sobbed uncontrollably.

"Manny?" he said softly, concerned with the force of her tears, "What are you doing here?"

XXX

Fifth period was the only time Manny had even a chance of getting Craig alone to talk about their situation. Him being a year ahead of her assured that they never shared classtime and, unfortunately, the glimpses she got of him in the hallway were not nearly enough time for her to make him understand what was happening.

He was easy to find in the cafeteria, seated at his usual table with Ashley by his side, Paige and Spinner across from them. A fearsome foursome if ever there was one, but Manny could not be deterred. Gathering all of her courage, she approached the group and laid a gentle hand on Craig's shoulder.

"So I said –" Craig stopped abruptly. Something inside of him shifted, whether to harden or melt he wasn't sure, and he wondered why his internal balance should be so easily thrown off by a blast from the past. He didn't allow himself to wonder why he recognized the touch immediately. "Manny. Can I help you?"

"Find a short cliff for her long walk?" Paige whispered and her boyfriend snickered along, both of them eyeing Manny suspiciously. Ashley didn't snicker, though her lips twisted, and she refused to even look at Manny.

Manny ignored them, focusing solely on Craig. "Um. Listen, can I talk to you for a minute? In private?"

"Sounds like a proposition to me," Spinner murmured.

Paige laughed and elbowed him jokingly, "How would _you _know!"

Craig shut his friends up with a glare and turned apologetic eyes to Ashley. "Ash, I'll see you seventh period?"

Her nod did more than just assent to that fact, it gave him permission to go off with Manny. In silent assurance, he squeezed her hand and kissed her cheek chastely before standing. Manny wished she didn't feel like she was intruding on a private moment.

Craig finally turned, putting them face to face for the first time in weeks. After their one night together, Craig had pulled Manny into an empty classroom days later to tell her that it had all been a mistake, that he and Ashley were back together and _they_ were officially over. Manny had been so heartbroken that she couldn't have argued if she'd tried.

"Manny?" Craig prompted. "Shall we?"

"Oh. Right. How about we go to the music room? It'll be quiet there right now," she suggested, and hoped it was true as she led the way.

She was right. The two spent a few minutes settling in, careful to keep each other at a respectable distance. Craig sat down and lifted a guitar from its place leaning against the wall, plucking it absentmindedly. Manny left a folding chair between them for propriety's sake and crossed her legs nervously.

"So?" Craig said when enough time had passed that the silence was awkward. "What did you want to talk about?"

"Craig, do you remember –"

_Well, of course he remembers, you idiot, _she told herself. _You were his first time, too, Manny, people don't just forget things like that._

She took a deep breath and tried again. "Um. You know how we, um, slept together? Last month?"

"Yeah. Of course I do."

Craig was quickly getting uncomfortable. He thought he'd made it clear to Manny that whatever they'd had was long gone. That she was bringing it up again now, when everything was going so well with Ashley, made him nervous.

"Craig. I went to the doctor a couple weeks ago. Um. Actually. The day Rick tried to kill Emma. And Jimmy Brooks, I guess. I wasn't here. I was at a clinic. And I found out … Craig, I'm pregnant."

There was no reaction. She waited. A minute passed, the seconds ticked away by an absurdly loud clock. Still, Craig said nothing.

"Craig? Did you hear what I said?"

"You're pregnant," he responded. "I heard. I just … I just don't know what you want me to say."

She didn't really know, either. But there had to be something. He had to say _something_ that could make it better, or easier, or … right. He had to be able to fix it, to make her whole again.

"You think it's mine?"

That most definitely was _not _what she'd wanted him to say. Manny literally _felt_ her heart crack, the piece she had long ago given to Craig shattering painfully against her ribcage. "Of _course_ it's yours," she whispered, hurt beyond reason by the accusation in his dull tone. "I've never been with anyone else."

Craig put the guitar where he'd found it and clasped his hands together. "Look. Manny. I'm not sure what you think you're going to accomplish with this … scheme, but Ashley and I are happy together. And I've been trying, every day since I made my mistake, to deserve her."

His mistake. Manny could have sworn that what was left of her heart disintegrated on the spot at his words. _She_ was his mistake. When he looked at her, he didn't see a soulmate, he didn't feel like he'd found his other half. He saw the bad decision he'd made that had kept him from Ashley, something he apologized for and paid for but never, ever wished for.

Valiantly, she tried to salvage the conversation. "It's not a scheme, Craig. I'm not making this up. I swear, I wouldn't do that to you."

"Manny, are you even listening to me? Ashley would kill me if … if what you're saying is the truth. She would kill me. Or dump me, and that's probably worse. I need her." Craig looked around, desperate for escape. "I'll give you money, if that's what you want. However much you need, my dad left me a big inheritance. I'll give you whatever, just … just stay away from me. Please."

Blinking back tears, Manny pushed past him and out into the hall just as the bell rang and students began to spill from the cafeteria. Thinking only of hiding before anyone saw her in such bad shape, she burst through the gym doors and ran straight into Jimmy Brooks' wheelchair, landing on his lap.

"Manny?" he questioned, peering at her tear-streaked face, "What are you doing here?"

She couldn't answer him through her tears. She couldn't answer him at all. She didn't know _what_ she was doing anymore.


	3. It's Over

**It's Over**

_This ain't easy to admit …_

Jimmy didn't have a whole lot of experience with females crying in his arms. He had no sisters, Ashley had always been too reserved to show that much emotion in front of him, and Hazel … Hazel was always happy. An endearing, if sometimes annoying, quality.

So to have Manny a blubbering, bawling basketcase in front of him was quite a shock to his system. He didn't know how to handle the fact that she hadn't formed a coherent sentence since tumbling into his lap, nor had she even collected herself enough to get off.

"Manny … really, it can't be that bad. I mean, come on." Jimmy worked not to roll his eyes. Whatever stupid drama Manny _thought_ was tearing her life apart had to be absolutely ridiculous in comparison to the scope of his current situation. "Manny. Please stop crying."

"I – I – I –" she rubbed her eyes vigorously and choked back another sob. "I can't, it actually _hurts_. It hurts so much. What am I going to do?"

"Manny! _Manny!_" Stopping just short of shaking her, Jimmy raised his voice until she snapped to attention. "Okay. Better. Now. Do you want to talk about it?"

"Oh, God." Finally realizing exactly where she was, Manny scrambled off of him and frantically tried to pull herself together. "I'm so sorry, Jimmy. I don't … I don't know what got into me. Did I hurt you?"

"I'm not exactly china," he bristles. "Besides, you were on my lap. You could've brought three elephants and a piano with you and I wouldn't really have noticed."

"Oh," she said softly, her gaze moving to his legs as memory dawned. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to offend you."

"No big deal," he brushed off. "So what happened to get you so upset?"

"Um." She looked away. "It's a long story. I don't want to bother you with it, I'm fine, really."

He sighed. "Right, and I'm the Queen of England. Seriously, Manny. Something's obviously on your mind, I don't mind listening if you want to talk about it."

Manny debated with herself for another minute, then relented. The temptation of telling someone who might actually care, whose reaction _had_ to be better than Craig's because there was no lower level that she could think of, was too great. "Okay. But it's kind of crazy, you might want to sit down."

"Got that covered." Indicating his perpetually seated pose, Jimmy smirked sardonically.

She flushed. "Oh, God. How far down my throat do you think my foot can go? Jimmy, I'm so sorry, really, I just … I have a knack for saying all the wrong things. Part of my charm or – something," she giggled nervously.

The metallic taste of blood filled his mouth as he bit down hard on the inside of his cheek, struggling to hold back his anger. "It's cool. No big deal. Come on, over here."

He led her to the bleachers and she sat down heavily, shoulders slumped, face pale and tear-stained. Jimmy took a second to study her. She didn't look anything like the Manny Santos he was used to seeing, all bright eyes and sunshine, a blinding smile and a body constantly in motion. She looked … drawn, and tired, and miserable.

_Just like you, _a voice sniggered at the back of his head. _What a pair!_

"Manny?" he said, mostly to distract himself from the looming self pity. "You gonna tell me anytime in the next century?"

"It's nothing," she tried, staring vacantly at the floor. "I just had a fight with Craig, that's all."

Jimmy's brow furrowed in confusion. "Why would you be fighting with Craig? He's with Ash now. _Oh_."

She let out a small giggle that sounded more like a sob. "Ha. Guess I'm not the only one with the foot-in-mouth issue."

"But wait. Did you fight with him 'cause you want him back and he's with someone else? Or did you fight 'cause the two of you are kind of back together and he hasn't _told _Ash?"

_Just say it,_ she told herself. _If Craig's reaction didn't kill you, Jimmy Brooks' certainly isn't going to matter. And it's only a matter of time until everyone finds out._

"Um … 'C'," she answered. "Neither of the above."

Jimmy stared at her, confused. "Then, why?"

"When Craig and I …" _No, _she stops herself, _that's not right. There's no 'Craig and I'. Never was. _"When Craig cheated on Ashley … with me … things got out of hand."

She pauses, and Jimmy feels every muscle in his body that still works tense up. "Manny, are you trying to tell me he hurt you? 'Cause if he did …"

"No, no, not at all, nothing like that," she rushes to explain. "I mean, yes, he's hurt me about as much as I think anyone can, but it wasn't anything like … like you're thinking. No. Craig and I … we had sex, Jimmy. Which, come to think of it, you and probably the rest of the world already know."

"Probably not the _entire_ world," Jimmy tried to assure her. But she wasn't too far off base, the entire school was well versed in the recent Manny/Craig/Ashley saga. It was all anyone had talked about until Rick found a new way to make headlines. "I bet people in Tokyo half better things to do."

"Oh, great," she joked mirthlessly, "Halfway around the world, people don't give a damn about me and my screw-ups. When's the next flight out?"

Jimmy chuckled along. He'd already given plenty of thought to cleaning out his savings account and securing himself a one-way ticket to the middle of nowhere. "So, why did you and Craig argue?"

"I told him …" she looked at her hands, at the nails she'd bitten down to the quick. "I told him I'm pregnant."

Of all the things Jimmy had expected her to say, that statement hadn't even been in the realm of possibility. He gaped at the slim cheerleader whose whispered confession was emphasized by the single tear that slid down her cheek as she avoided his gaze.

"You're … pregnant?" he repeated. "Wha – who – how?"

She sniffed. "Well, Jimmy, when a guy and a girl get together, they –"

"Stop." He blocked his ear until he was sure she had. "No details necessary. But just … wow. I'm shocked."

"So was I," she said, and laughed dryly. "I was such an idiot. I didn't even _think_. I never expected anything like this to happen to me."

"Well, you're not entirely to blame, Manny," he pointed out. "Craig had a small role as well. And he's older, he should've been smarter about the whole … event."

"Right. Leave the issue of protection to the horny high school boy who's cheating on his girlfriend with you. Why didn't I think of that?"

Jimmy had no reply. He was way out of his league here. He'd only been looking for a distraction from his own troubles when he volunteered to lend an ear. He'd expected Manny to complain about a catfight with Emma or a boy who wouldn't give her the time of day or something. He hadn't expected her to have any _real_ problem.

"Manny, it's not your fault," he tried again, trying to channel Claire. "Sometimes things just happen."

"Yeah. I know," she stopped him abruptly. "I've given myself all the right pep talks – I'm on spirit squad, remember. It's just … what am I gonna do now? I can't have a baby on my own. And Craig … he wants to be with Ashley. And I love him so much. I just want him to be happy."

"Wait, do you mean …?"

Manny shrugged, biting her lip uncertainly. "If he wants to be with her, then … he should be with her. I mean, have you seen his smile when he's with her?" She shook her head resolutely. "I'm not gonna take that away. I just … I don't know what I'll do without him."

At the thought, she crumbled in front of him, and they were back to where they'd started. Watching her fall apart over a boy who would only disappoint her again and again, Jimmy realized what he had to do.

XXX

Due to his 'injury', as the guidance counselor has taken to oh-so-delicately calling it, Jimmy was allowed to leave all his classes a few minutes earlier than the other students. This gave him the advantage of watching Hazel as she approached her locker without knowing she was being studied.

Her head was bent close to Paige's, a small smile on her lips as the blond gestured wildly to enunciate her story. As it seemed to reach its end, Hazel threw her head back and giggled girlishly, her eyes alight with warmth and humor.

_She's really something_, Jimmy reflected.

_So why are you gonna kick her to the curb like she's as worthless as your basketball uniform?_

Jimmy shook his head to clear it. He had to end things with Hazel. He'd been nursing the idea practically since he woke up in the hospital with his mother crying in to a lap he could no longer feel. Things weren't going to be the same now, _he _wasn't going to be the same. And he didn't want to drag Hazel down with him.

She deserved more than that.

"Jimmy!" she said upon finding him waiting for her. "What's up?"

Ill at ease, he found himself looking anywhere but her face. "I kind of need to talk to you … alone."

Paige whistled. "Ouch, Jimbo, way to be subtle. Hazel, call me later? And tell Jimmy about Friday night!"

Hazel agreed and, as Paige walked away, turned to Jimmy with a smile. "Paige wants to have a party," she explained, "A sort of, 'yay for everything being back to normal' party so we can all blow off some steam. What do you think?"

"But … everything's _not_ back to normal, Hazel."

"What do you mean? Of course it is," she insisted. "You're out of the hospital, on the road to recovery …"

"Hazel!" They were both surprised at his sharp tone. "That's not quite the road I'm on! I can't feel my legs! I can't _use_ my legs! I'm a cripple!"

"No, Jimmy, don't talk like that," she began to argue.

She had to kneel to bring herself to his level, and seeing that only angered Jimmy more. Any doubts he may have had flew out the window. "Listen, Hazel," he interrupted. "This is why I wanted to talk to you. We're not on the same page about this whole situation. If I even can get better, it's going to take a long time. And it's going to be hard, really, really hard."

"I know –" she tried, but he cut her off once more.

"No." He shook his head. "Hazel, you have no idea. My life is a living hell right now, and it's got the potential to get even worse. And I'd rather … I think it's best if … if you and I take some time off. Just for a little while, just while I sort some things out, you know?"

Hazel swallowed hard as she processed his words. "You're … ending things?"

"Well, not totally, but –"

"Right. You need your space. You know, Jimmy," she stared him dead in the eye, "Sometimes you're too proud for your own good."

He was doing this for her own good. That was what she didn't understand, could never understand. And that was why he didn't argue or try to catch her as she straightened up, slammed her locker shut, and walked away.


	4. Sympathy

Thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far, I'm glad people are liking the story. One small note – for the sake of the story, Spinner's part in the whole prank is a secret as of now. He and Paige are still together, and he and Jimmy are still friends.

**Sympathy**

_I get scared, but I'm not crawling on my knees_

Manny had always been the very picture of perfect health. Other than an intense bout of the flu in fifth grade that had left her forever turned off of chicken noodle soup, she hadn't been sick a day in her life. And she hadn't been too anxious to ever repeat the experience.

Now here she was again, back in the position she'd managed to avoid for so long. Brought to her knees by the painful wrenching of her internal organs, head bent over the toilet in a mixture of exhaustion, illness, and shame.

Too bad she wasn't eleven anymore, Manny reflected, pushing her hair off her sweat-beaded forehead. Too bad her mother couldn't soothe her with a soft lullaby and a kiss to the cheek. Her mother couldn't even know she was sick. And no one else could, either.

She was completely, miserably, alone. Hidden away in the girl's bathroom, trying to stifle her own gagging every time someone else entered.

It was supposed to be _morning_ sickness, she thought bitterly. Not fourth period, middle-of-math-class, most-inconvenient-time-possible sickness. And with that thought, bile rose in her throat and she began to heave again.

Which was why she didn't hear the door open or the approaching footsteps. What she did hear was the soft rap on the stall door and a familiar, concerned voice saying, "Manny? Is that you?"

"Oh, God." Dragging herself to her feet, she flushed and tried to remain calm. "Yeah, it's me."

"Well … are you okay?"

_Not even close. _"I'm fine," she called. "Just a little … under the weather."

She paused and heard Emma's long-suffering sigh clear as day. "Well, will you come out here, then? You know I'm not just gonna leave."

It was true, she knew Emma wouldn't give her a moment's peace until she showed her face. Because it was perhaps the most comforting thing Manny had encountered in days, she hesitated only an instant before unlocking the door and stepping out.

Emma gasped. "Manny! You look terrible!"

"Thanks, Em, it's good to see you, too."

Her oldest friend rolled her eyes. "You know what I mean. You're more than just a little sick. You shouldn't even be at school! What was your mom thinking?"

"My mom doesn't know," Manny spat out, then realized her mistake.

"Manny, your mom always knows everything that's going on with you, why wouldn't she …" Emma trailed off as realization dawned. "Oh, my God. Manny … are you …?"

Manny brushed past her to go to the sink, splashing her face with cool water. "Say it," she challenged, meeting Emma's eyes in the mirror.

"You're pregnant," Emma stated. "You had sex with Craig and now you're pregnant. Am I right?"

"As always," Manny sighed. "And please don't say 'I told you so'. Or talk about how much I deserve it for being so stupid in the first place. 'Cause I know, okay, and I really don't think I can stand hearing you lecture me on –"

"Manny," Emma interrupted, and laid her hand on the smaller girl's shoulder. "I'm not gonna say any of that. I wasn't even thinking it."

Manny held up her hand. "You swear?"

"Cross my heart," Emma replied, and they hooked pinkies. "I know we haven't been on the best terms lately, and that's both of our faults, Manny. But … I'm not gonna let you go through this alone, okay? I'm just not."

They had been friends long enough for Manny to know that Emma wouldn't take no for an answer. They had been friends long enough for all the old hurts between them to flicker and fade at the first sign of real trouble. They had been friends … forever, Manny thought as Emma produced a brush from her bag and began to comb through Manny's tangled hair. And they always would be.

XXX

"A-ha. Thought I'd find you here."

Jimmy looked up quickly, surprised to find himself not quite as alone as he'd thought. He was spending his lunch period in the gym again, for the third day in a row. If he was going to be honest with himself, he would admit he was hiding from the rest of the world.

A plan which had worked just fine until now. Spinner was framed in the doorway, arms crossed firmly at his chest, blocking the exit. The smirk on his face said that there was no way Jimmy was getting past him without some serious work.

Jimmy attempted to be casual. "Hey, Spin, what's up, man?"

"Good question," his friend replied. "What _is _up?"

"Uh … I don't know, man, I asked you first."

Spinner rubbed his hands together. "Well, let me rephrase, then. What's _up_ with you avoiding your friends all the time? What's _up_ with you dumping Hazel and not even telling any of us, so that we had to suffer a severely awkward lunch period when Paige started talking about the party she's throwing you and Hazel mentioned that you wouldn't be attending? What's up with all that, huh?"

Jimmy sighed. "Look, Spin, I'm sorry I haven't hung out with you guys in a while, I've been really busy –"

"Feeling sorry for yourself?" Spinner supplied.

"Shut up, man," he warned. "You have no idea what this is like."

"You're right. I don't." Spinner took a few steps forward and picked a stray basketball off the floor, bouncing it to his friend. "Because you won't _talk_ to me, Jimmy. Or to anyone. Not even Hazel."

"'Cause you guys won't get it," he insisted, and threw the ball back with more force than he'd intended. "I'm not gonna sit around and moan about how bad I have it to a bunch of kids who can still get up and walk around anytime they feel like it."

"You have to talk to someone, Jimmy. You have to tell someone how you're feeling." Spinner knew from personal experience that keeping pain private was an enormous strain. "What about your therapist, huh? Can't you at least go to the appointments?"

Jimmy stared at him. "You talked to my Dad, huh?"

"He called me house," Spinner admitted. "Wanted to know how I thought you were handling things. He called Hazel, too, and Paige and Craig."

"_Craig_," Jimmy said in disgust, the memory of Manny crying still fresh. "Like he's got it so together."

"None of us are perfect, Jimmy," Spinner tried, unaware of what Manny had shared with Jimmy during her moment of weakness. "But we're all your friends and we all just want you to get better."

"Well, it's gonna be awhile," Jimmy snapped. "So in the meantime, I'd appreciate it if everyone would just _back off. _I can't stand talking to people and realizing, halfway through the conversation, that they haven't met my eyes once. That they keep staring at my legs, at my … useless … broken … legs. I can't. All right? Is that what you wanted to hear?"

Spinner nodded, absorbing the new information. "Okay. Fine, Jimmy, if that's the way you wanna play it, that's how we'll play it. But I'm not just gonna let you sit around in here and waste away. No one is. If you won't come to Paige's party tonight, and you don't have to, that's fine … will you at least come eat lunch with us? Please?" He waited a beat. "I can absolutely promise I won't be checking out your legs."

Despite himself, Jimmy laughed at that. "If you did, Paige would probably see to it that you had a matching one of these," he pointed out, indicating his wheelchair.

"She is a tad possessive," Spinner agreed, smiling. "I dare you to say that to her face, though."

"No, thanks, I've got enough on my plate at the moment." As they exited the gym, Jimmy paused and grew serious. "You know, Spin … you're a good friend."

Spinner looked vaguely uncomfortable with the praise. "Yeah, well, someone had to come down here and kick your ass into gear. I drew the short straw, that's all."

Jimmy laughed again and decided that maybe, just maybe, his life could be a little closer to normal than he'd thought.

XXX

The party was in full swing by the time Jimmy arrived. He'd had his father drop him off a block away from the Michalcuk's residence to make his arrival slightly less dramatic, but he'd stalled about halfway down the sidewalk once his father had disappeared down the road.

Every light in the house was blazing and he could hear the obnoxiously loud bump-and-grind beat even from this distance. He recognized the song as one by his favorite artist and grinned at Hazel's obvious influence in the party-planning. Paige was empathetic, sure, but she didn't pay that much attention to detail.

Tonight was their tribute to him. He knew that, as much as he knew that he should be grateful to have such good friends. He should appreciate all the trouble they'd gone to and let them know how much he loved each and every one of them.

But he couldn't. He just … couldn't. He didn't want to spend his night listening to music he'd once danced to and trying to hold a normal conversation with every person who approached him. It would remind him too much of old times, of _simpler_ times, with the exception being … him.

He would be out of place where he'd once fit perfectly, and he couldn't stand to subject himself to that.

Giving up, Jimmy wheeled around and found himself about to run over a familiar face. He put on the brakes quickly enough to avoid a collision, but she still jumped back to a safer plane, gasping.

"Manny!" he exclaimed. "I'm so sorry, I didn't even see you there! … Actually, what are you doing here?"

She indicated the Michalchuk's, just a few houses down from where they stood beneath a blinking streetlight. "I heard there was a party in your honor. I just wanted to stop by and see how you were doing, but seeing as you're already leaving …"

"I actually haven't gone in yet," he told her, "And I'm not going to."

"Oh." Manny looked at him, hard, the kind of probing look Claire always gave him when he was quiet for too long. "Why not?"

"I don't know. All those people … just waiting to tell me how sorry they are, how good I look, how lucky I was. I can't … I don't want to hear any of that crap. I don't need their pity." He shifted in his seat and added defensively, "Or yours."

"Good, 'cause I wasn't coming to offer any," she replied with a small smile. "I just wanted to thank you .. again … for listening the other day. You didn't have to, and God knows you probably had about a bazillion other things on your mind, but … the fact that you stayed made me feel better. I just wanted you to know that."

He was silent after her confession. He didn't know quite what to say. To hear that he'd had a positive affect on her, that he could still do something good for someone else … it made him happy, happier than he'd been in a while.

Just as she turned to go, he found his voice and stopped her in her tracks. "Manny. Do you want to … go somewhere? And talk, or something? I mean, don't have anything better to do."

"What about your party?" she asked.

"I don't have anything better to do," he repeated, smiling at her in the semi-darkness that enveloped them.

She shrugged and smiled shyly back. "Well, then … what are we waiting for?"


	5. What Do You Need?

Disclaimer/Warning: This chapter contains references to abortion. If you choose to review, please leave out your opinion on the practice. I'm pro-choice and, for the sake of the story, wanted this procedure to happen, but I really don't want any flames telling me it's sick, wrong, evil, etc. Just tell me how you liked the story, I guarantee it'll make me write faster.

**What Do You Need?**

_Maybe we'll find a way somehow_

"I _remember_ that!" Manny exclaimed, and the laughter that bubbled from her throat echoed throughout the deserted playground. "Oh, Lord, can you _imagine_ what life would be like if Ashley and Sean had actually gotten together?"

"Anarchy," Jimmy declared. They shared an amused smile and a comfortable silence fell between them.

It was the first time in well over an hour that they hadn't said anything, Jimmy realized with a start. The 'somewhere' he'd suggested had ended up being a park a few blocks down the road from Paige's house. Though they hadn't really discussed their destination at all, he'd just followed lead until they'd ended up here.

He'd enjoyed walking with her. Despite all the energy she usually had, when she was walking, she had a slow, casual pace that he could easily keep up with. And he liked that it made her seem like she wasn't in any hurry; like she had all the time in the world to get where she was going.

As for the talking part he'd proposed, well, it had come easily enough. He'd always been good at making small talk with strangers, but somehow he'd found himself delving deeper with Manny. So far, they'd covered which country they'd most like to visit (New Zealand for her, Greece for him), their first best friend (she'd always had Emma, he'd had playdates with a redheaded kid named Stevie he hadn't seen since Grade One), and biggest fears (she was terrified of small spaces, he hated even the thought of failing).

"You know, Jimmy," Manny mused as her swing moved gently with the wind, "The party was a really nice thing for your friends to do. I feel bad you missed it."

"They had good intentions," he agreed. "But … it wouldn't have been very fun for me. I had a better time with you."

"Really?"

She bit her lip, looking entirely insecure, and he didn't even think about his actions before he had laid his hand on her knee. "No lie, Manny. You've been great company."

"Well, back atcha," she giggled, tucking her hair behind her ear. He'd noticed during their conversation that she had about a dozen nervous tics, and each one was cuter than the last. "And … okay. I have a confession to make."

"Another one? I don't know, Manny Santos, after the whole 'you're pregnant' thing, I'm not sure I can handle any more confessions from you," he joked.

"Well, it kind of has a little something to do with that," she said. "Um. When I told you earlier that I was coming to the party to thank you, that wasn't … totally the truth."

"It … wasn't?"

She shook her head. "Not entirely. I was also coming to ask a favor of you. And if you don't want to, it's okay, just say so, I'll completely understand, but –"

"Manny," he interrupted, and gently squeezed the knee he was still touching. "Just spit it out."

Concentrating on the warmth of his hand on her leg, she nodded. "Okay. I wanted to know … well. I decided to … have an abortion," she finally managed to get out, and looked up to lock eyes with him. "And I wanted to know if you would come with me."

Jimmy was stunned. He was probably even more than stunned, but her news had knocked the wind, and most of his vocabulary, right out of him. "Whoa … Manny, are you sure that's what you want to do?"

"I've been thinking about it ever since I found out about this baby, Jimmy. And I just can't do it. My parents would kick me out and Craig would only be willing to give me money. Money doesn't raise a child. I don't have the time, or the means, and …" she gulped. "Oh, God. Would I be awful if I said I just didn't have the heart? That I just … don't want a baby right now?"

"Of course not," he soothed instantly. "Manny, you're young, you've got your whole life to find the right guy and have kids. No one will blame you if you don't go through with this pregnancy.

"But … why me?" he continued. "Why are you asking me to do this with you?"

"Well, here's the deal, Jimmy Brooks," she smiled, a little painfully, but her eyes were steady on his. "Three people know about this baby. One's Craig and, well, he's made his position perfectly clear. He wants nothing to do with it. I told Emma and she'll stand by me, of course, but … I can't make her sit in a clinic while I end the life inside me. It'll hit too close to home for her, I know it will. So … by process of elimination … you're it."

His head was still spinning. There were a million questions he wanted to ask, a million things he needed to say. But he couldn't find the words. All he could manage to do was nod his head, mutely, granting her wish, making his promise.

"You're nodding," she told him, her expression anxious. "Does that mean you'll help me?"

"Of course I will," he promised. "Just say the word, and I'll be there."

Manny was floored by how quickly he'd agreed. She'd expected some hesitancy, or discomfort, or … something. To have him so readily take her side and stand by her filled her with a joy she hadn't felt in a long time. She felt … _worth_ something, with Degrassi's boy wonder in her camp. Like she deserved his help. Like she deserved her own happiness.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" she gushed, and before either of them knew she was moving, she had barreled onto his lap and into his arms. "You know, Jimmy, you are like, such a gift right now. You're probably the best thing that's ever happened to me."

His heart stirred for the first time since the shooting. It felt good to be helping someone else, to know that he wasn't entirely useless to the world just because he couldn't land a layup anymore. He felt … alive again.

XXX

Jimmy was a little afraid of losing feeling in yet another limb. The hold Manny had on his hand was tight enough to do some severe – and lasting – damage. But he didn't have the heart to ask her to loosen up.

She looked petrified. She'd been running on nervous energy when they met at the bus stop, bubbling over with forced cheer and too many questions. Her body hadn't stopped moving – feet tapping, hands wringing, eyes shifting – until they'd hit 38th Street and the clinic had come into view.

Getting her off the bus had been like rearranging a statue. Jimmy had pushed, pulled, and pleaded to get her feet moving in the right direction. He'd considered just shoving her onto his lap and wheeling them both down the ramp, but he hadn't wanted to draw too much attention. The downtown area held a lot of businesses where many Degrassi parents – including his own – made their livings, and the last thing he and Manny needed was a concerned parent taking note of them and asking around at the next PTA meeting.

Manny's hand had shot out to grab his about halfway to the door. "Jimmy," she'd said urgently, keeping her voice low. She, too, know that there was a potential for being seen. "I don't know if I can do this."

"Manny, you don't have to do anything you're not ready for," he'd soothed, turning his palm up to squeeze hers reassuringly.

"Huh." The color had drained from her face at that remark and the noise she'd made had sounded like she was choking.

"What's wrong?"

She'd smiled oddly, her a eyes a little too bright. "That's what Craig said right before we …"

"Oh! Jeez." He'd looked away, feeling like an idiot. _Good move, all-star. Way to bring up every bad memory the girl _has_. Just what she needs on today of all days._ "I'm sorry, Manny, I didn't mean to …"

"No," she'd interrupted. "It's fine. It's just … what am I gonna do when he asks me what happened? When the baby I told him about never shows up?"

"You could try the truth," he'd suggested. "That since he was an insensitive jackass, he didn't deserve a say in the matter, but you had to –"

"Whoa, Jimmy. Harsh." But she hadn't been able to push down the warmth that spread through her at his protectiveness. "He's a friend of yours, remember?"

"Right. Sure." Biting back a few more colorful adjectives for his 'friend', Jimmy focused. "Listen, about the … abortion. If you need more time to think, or if you might be changing your mind –"

"I can't change my mind. And I don't need to think anymore, I've done nothing but think about this for weeks. I've considered every option and I _know_ I can't have this baby. I'm just … I'm really nervous."

"I know. Well. I don't _know_-know, obviously, but I get it. Manny, I'm here for you, okay? Not just 'cause you asked me to be. 'Cause I want to be. And I'll be here – with you – the whole way. Okay?"

It had taken another minute for her to gather her courage. But his words had helped more than he knew. Manny had lifted her chin, tightened her grip, and taken the final steps to the door.

"Manuela Santos?" the receptionist intoned now, interrupting Jimmy's stream of consciousness. "We're ready for you."

"Oh, God." Manny's eyes, clouded with fear, flew to his.

"You can do this," he rushed to encourage before she could entertain her doubts. "I know you're strong enough to do this."

It was exactly what she needed to hear. She _could _do it. She would. And she would get through it. How could she not, with people like Jimmy - and Emma, waiting patiently at home to take care of her - at her side? They were both so fiercely determined, neither would let her quit when things got rough.

"Okay, then. Jimmy, if I forget to tell you later … thank you. I'm beyond grateful to you for doing this … for being here."

His heart swelled with pride. And for once in his life, it wasn't for himself. It was for her; standing tall through the hardest moment of her life, able to handle tragedy with such grace. He wished he could've been so dignified in reacting to his own trauma. She was inspirational.

Manny, unaware of his thoughts, bent to kiss his cheek softly, then squared her shoulders. She looked back once before following the nurse down the hallway, pausing to take a deep breath and shoot Jimmy one last look.

"Well," she said, "This is it."

And with that, she disappeared out of sight.


	6. Smash

-1**Smash**

_I'm comin' home before I hit the ground_

Manny awoke with a dull pain in her head and a sharper, more insistent throbbing in her abdomen. She didn't immediately recognize her surroundings, nor recall how she'd gotten there. She could only focus on the pain and, worse, the huge chasm of emptiness she could feel inside of herself, a sense of loss too great to put into words.

Of course, the nurse didn't know that. Eyebrows furrowed in concern, she bent closer to peer into Manny's unresponsive eyes and called her name again. "Manny? Manny, how are you feeling?"

"I - th - thirsty," she rasped out, though that didn't even begin to cover it. She barely _knew _how she was feeling. "Water?"

The nurse nodded and helped her into a sitting position. Only then did Manny's eyes fly about the room, taking it all in, and the paper cup fell from her hands, its contents sloshing onto the tile floor.

"The baby," she said, and her voice shook as violently as her shoulders. "It's gone? It's over?"

"The operation went just fine, Manny," the nurse assured her, spreading paper towels over the spill. "You're in good condition. A few days of bedrest and you'll be back to normal by next week."

"But the baby?" Manny insisted. "It's gone? I'm not pregnant anymore?"

"No, dear. You're not. Now you just sit back and try to relax, okay, while I go let your boyfriend know you're awake."

"He's not my ..." She trailed off as the nurse hurried away. Not like she cared about Manny's relationship status anyway. And, really, did anyone else need to know that Craig had knocked her up and deserted her when she needed him most? Better to be thought pregnant by a boy who at least had the decency to hold her hand than a jerk who wasn't even aware of her decision.

"Manny?" Jimmy hesitated in the doorway, unsure of the proper protocol for their situation. Was he allowed to hug her? She certainly looked like she needed it, small and pale as she was in the hospital bed. Did he apologize for her loss? Was it stupid to ask how she felt? "How ... how are you?"

"Not pregnant," she said dully.

It wasn't the most assuring answer she could've given, especially delivered with averted eyes and a lifeless tone. Jimmy stepped closer, his concern growing. "Yeah, that part the nurse told me. I meant, how're you feeling?

"Tired." It wasn't entirely the truth - she wasn't tired in the usual sense, in fact, she didn't want to close her eyes ever again. Instead, she felt worn out, used up, a kind of all-consuming exhaustion that wasn't helped by his refusal to come anywhere near her. "Could you ... can we go yet? I have to get to Emma's before her mom gets home from work."

"Sure, sure, of course," Jimmy assured her. "I'll get everything together with the nurse, you just rest a few more minutes. We'll go soon." He lingered another moment, then was gone.

"Thank you," she said softly, to the now empty room, and let the tears flow.

XXX

Jimmy couldn't sleep. He'd been tossing and turning for hours now, and had even made an attempt at counting sheep before 'twenty seven' reminded him of the clinic's address, which reminded him of the day's events, which reminded him of how terribly lost Manny had looked when he dropped her off at Emma's house earlier.

He was really worried about her. She'd made a hugely important decision today, something that would affect her forever. And even though he thought she'd made the right one, he knew from the look on her face earlier that she was having second thoughts.

She'd been careful to keep her eyes closed the entire way home, but he'd known she hadn't been asleep. She'd confessed during their midnight talk at the playground that she couldn't sleep in any kind of moving vehicle. But he'd left it alone, figuring she needed some time to sort things out in her head.

Now he was thinking he should've said something. Even if had been something stupid like 'it'll be okay' or 'you did the right thing'. Maybe that was what she needed to hear from someone. And he wanted that someone to be him.

XXX

_Manny cannot find the baby and she has never been so terrified._

_She can hear the cries, knows they are coming from somewhere in the house, but she has torn every room apart twice and can find no trace of him. What kind of mother is she, to lose her son like this? "Hold on," she calls out, "I'm coming, I'm almost there, I hear you."_

_And suddenly, she doesn't. She races into the kitchen and stops short as silence falls abruptly throughout the house. "Oh, God," she whimpers, and louder, "Where are you? Where'd you go?"_

_Just then, Jimmy saunters into the kitchen, a warm smile on his lips and the baby cradled in his arms. "This what you're looking for, m'lady?"_

_"Oh." Her breath catches at the sight of them, the child that changed her life and the boy who bettered it. "Yes, it is."_

_"Well, then." He starts to transfer the baby from his arms to hers, but pauses just as her fingertips brush the soft fleece blanket. "Too bad you threw it all away, huh? And now you can't have either of us."_

_With those words, he disappears, the blanket dropping - empty - to the floor in his wake. Manny falls to her knees to clutch it, sobbing. "I didn't mean it. I'm sorry. I couldn't do it, I'm sorry, I need you, please ... please come back."_

"Manny, wake up. We're right here, Manny. Wake up."

Worried, Jimmy reached out and shook Manny's small shoulders firmly. She snapped awake, shooting upright and into his arms, still trembling from whatever dream had plagued her. "Oh, Jimmy! Oh, God. I was so scared."

"It was just a dream," he comforted. "Try not to think about it, it was just a dream."

Several minutes passed, the only noises in the room Manny's sobs as they subsided and Jimmy's soothing whispers. Finally, Manny took a deep breath and managed to calm herself completely. "Oh, God, you must think I'm crazy," she said, brushing away the last of her tears. "What're you even doing here?"

"I ... okay. This is gonna sound weird. I just ... had a feeling." He shrugged, and his eyes found hers. "Thought you might need a friend."

She giggled a little at that. "Good instincts. How'd you get in?"

"I called Emma, she met me at the front door. When we saw that you were talking in your sleep, I told her I'd take care of you. Some nightmare, by the way," he added. "Want to talk about it?"

"Not really." He waited, watching as she bit her lip and avoided his gaze. "Well. Jimmy. Do you think I'm a bad person for what I did? Be honest. Please."

"Oh, Manny, no. Are you serious? Not at all. I think you made a hard decision, probably the hardest one anyone can make, but I do think you made the right one for you. And I think you're the bravest, strongest person I know for being able to go through so much of this alone."

"You and Emma -" she began, but he cut her off.

"I know Emma and I are here, but I also know we can't even begin to imagine what you're going through. But just so _you_ know ... anytime you want to talk about it, we're here. _I'm_ here. A hundred percent."

Manny was silent for a long minute. Then she shifted on the couch, drawing her feet beneath the blanket Emma had supplied her, and offered in a small voice, "It hurts more than I thought it would. Not just ... I mean, physically, yeah. But the pills they gave me help, so. But it just ... it aches. Like there's this huge hole inside of me. And I don't know how to fill it up."

"That's how I felt when the doctors first told me about my legs," Jimmy commiserated. He was almost thankful for the experience now, simply because it meant he was equipped to have this conversation with her. "Like a part of me had just shriveled up and died. And everyday I have to look down and see that, no, they're still there, they just don't work anymore. It still kills me. But at the same time ... I don't know, it helps, too. Knowing what you've lost. Being able to feel anything at all makes you realize how lucky you are that things turned out like they did. That you're still alive and standing, you know?"

"But I chose to give this baby up," Manny argued. "Nobody did anything to me, Rick didn't put a bullet in my back. I can only blame myself."

"It's not about blame, Manny. It's about forgiving yourself. And forgiving everyone else, too, for being okay when you're not. It's about ... realizing that life's a bitch. And that things aren't always fair, and you can't always get what you want, and every single damn cliché you've ever heard. And it's about knowing that, no matter how hard things get, it's all gonna be worth it in the end."

Her hand instinctively went to her stomach. "I'm scared it's not going to be," she whispered.

"It will be," he assured - no, more than assured. He was promising her something, she could tell by the way his eyes gleamed and his fingers found and tangled with hers. "As long as you want it to be. _You_ make it worth it."

And suddenly, with his voice loaded with meaning and his hand warm and solid covering hers, Manny didn't feel so empty.


	7. Tucked Away

-1**Tucked Away**

_Well, I saw you once, then I blew it for ten thousand days_

Yards away from Degrassi's main entrance, Manny stopped in her tracks. Emma, who had been trailing behind with her nose in her Biology notes, walked directly into her frozen figure and stumbled. "Ow," she complained, regaining her balance, "It's not a parking lot, Manny."

"I don't think I can do this," Manny murmured, her eyes fixed on the building that loomed ahead of them. "Can't I just -"

"Drop out of school?" Emma filled in dryly. "You've had over a week to prepare yourself, Manny. You can do this."

"Yeah, but what if someone knows? Somebody could've seen me at the clinic or heard me talking to Craig." Manny shuddered at the thought. "I'm already the school slut. I can't be the homewrecker who gets knocked up, too."

"You're none of the above. The rumor mill has moved on by now, trust me. All you've gotta do is put one foot in front of the other."

Just then, Jimmy arrived, his father dropping him off at the curb in their rented handicap-accessible van. "Man, I sure do know how to make an entrance," he called as he wheeled towards them, gesturing to the students who stared as the van pulled away.

Emma nudged Manny's ribs. "See? Jimmy has just as much reason to be nervous as you, but he's been in school every day since the doctors gave him the okay."

"What's going on?" the boy in questioned asked when he'd reached them.

"Manny, here, is scared people are going to be talking about her."

"How could they?" Jimmy turned his attention to Manny. "Emma and I are the only ones who know about everything, and we haven't said a word. Besides, you're a better person than almost everyone else in there. You know you did what was best and that's all that matters."

Inside the building, the bell rang, causing the few students left on the quad to scurry on their way. Jimmy didn't miss a beat as he began to roll away from them. "Come on, you know you're just dying to find out what you've missed in English. I promise, _Wuthering Heights_ still has a few plot twists left. I'd better see you there."

"So?" Emma turned to her friend. "You ready now?"

Manny was still staring at the spot where Jimmy had been, a small smile on her lips. "Yeah. I guess I am."

XXX

"Manny, where have you been?"

She'd been expecting that question. She knew she couldn't skip school for a week straight without raising some eyebrows. But she'd been expecting it to be delivered by a stern administrator or perhaps a concerned classmate. Not Craig Manning, who'd spotted her in the hallway between third and fourth periods and dragged her into an empty classroom.

"I've been ... sick." The lie had been easy to feed everyone else, but with Craig's intense gaze on her, she could feel herself faltering. "The flu."

"The _flu_?" he repeated. "I don't buy it. You tell me you're pregnant and then disappear for a week. What the hell is going on?"

She wanted to cry. Deep down, Manny could feel a terrible disappointment growing in her - with him, for not being who she'd thought; with herself, for letting him mean so much. But before the tears could leak out, anger took over.

"I told you I was pregnant and you _abandoned _me," she accused.

"That's not true. I said I'd give you whatever you needed."

"Money to get rid of it was _not _what I needed, Craig! I needed a friend. I needed someone I could count on and - silly me! - I thought that could be you! I needed so much more than you gave me ... than you could _ever_ give me!"

"So what did you do?" At her silence, Craig's expression darkened. "Manny, _what_ did you do?"

"I had an abortion," she said stiffly. The words left a bitter taste in her mouth. "I paid a doctor to cut me open and end whatever life was inside me. So, you're welcome. I know this is what you wanted - everything all neat and tidy, me out of your way."

Craig was reeling from the shock. "I didn't - that's not - I didn't ask you to do that. You should've -"

"I should've what? Come to you? I did, remember?" She took a breath to steady the nerves that were twisting her stomach in knots. "It didn't go so well. So I did what I had to do. And now I'm going to move on with my life and forget I ever knew you."

Before he could get another word out, she rushed out of the room, ducking her head and blinking away tears. Craig stood alone in the classroom, his head spinning with what he'd just learned.

"Rough day?"

He looked up to see Jimmy in the doorway and tried to work up a grin. "Jimmy, man, yeah, you have no idea. I just got into it with Manny."

"I heard." He'd heard, all right. He'd seen Craig grab Manny and had followed to make sure she didn't get too upset. He'd listened outside the doorway as she tore Craig apart and he'd glowed with pride at her courage.

Craig ducked his head, embarrassed. "She got an abortion. Can you believe that? Without even telling me! Just ... went and did it, like it was buying a new outfit or returning a library book. How is that fair?"

"What's not fair is how you treated her," Jimmy countered. "What's not fair is that this has to be the third or fourth time she's run away from you, crying. And what's _really _not fair is that the two of you made a baby and you just got to walk away from it while she drove herself crazy dealing with it."

"Jimmy, man," Craig guffawed, nervous at the anger in his friend's voice. "Listen, ease up, okay, it's not like I'm to blame for this."

"Not to blame? Of course you're to blame! The only thing you had to do was hold her hand and promise to stand by her, whatever decision she made. That was _all!_ And you were too selfish and too stupid to do even that!"

"Jimmy, oh my God." Craig looked absolutely shocked. Jimmy, thrown for a loop, followed his gaze and saw the impossible.

He was standing. With nothing but his two supposedly useless legs and a surge of adrenaline to support him. "I'm - I'm standing," he stuttered to Craig, who nodded mutely in agreement. "I'm standing!"

And then he blacked out.

XXX

"It's a marathon, not a sprint, Jim. Remember that."

With those final words of wisdom, Dr. Bedingfield smiled and exited the hospital room. Jimmy fought the wave of despair that was threatening to overtake him as the medic's speech reverberated in his head. His ability to stand up had been a fluke, a product of too many endorphins and a healthy dose of anger. His legs wouldn't just magically start working again. They might regain some mobility, but over a long period of time, with the right therapy and training.

A soft knock on the door shook away his thoughts of a grim prognosis. Manny poked her head in, smiling shyly. "Hey, how are you? You had us worried for a minute."

His legs were still useless. _He_ was still useless. And he knew what he had to do. "I'm fine," he said, unconvincingly, and cleared his throat to try again. "Never better."

"Liar," she accused, but gently.

"Listen, Manny, I appreciate you coming down here to check on me, but I think ... it's probably for the best if you went home. You know, you just went through a big ordeal and you still need to be resting and ..."

"Are you trying to get rid of me?"

There was no mistaking the hurt in her voice. Jimmy closed his eyes to steel himself against it. "Well, no, it's just that ... I think I need to be alone for awhile. I need some space, you know? I'm glad I could be there for you for the operation and everything, but I think we should go our separate ways."

Manny nodded slowly. "I see. Okay. Well, I guess I see your point. Who wants to be burdened with used goods?"

"Manny, it's not like that," he tried, but she was gone, hurrying down the hall and out of his life. And he couldn't even run after her. Bowing his head, Jimmy cried for the first time since the shooting.


	8. Big Machine

-1**Big Machine**

_And I'm aware, I'm in love and you don't care_

The thing about Spinner was, he wasn't a bad guy. He wasn't a total jerk, like Jay, he didn't have a chip on his shoulder the size of Antarctica, like Alex. He didn't hurt people just for the sake of hurting them and he rarely attacked without provocation.

He just made stupid decisions, that was all. Time and time again, he tried to do the right thing, and it just never worked out. His latest lack of judgment had led to his best friend's current wheelchair-dependant state and made Spinner determined to get his life back track.

Jimmy being shot had taught him - the hard way, of course, because how _else_ did he learn things? - that life was always shorter than expected and often crueler. It seemed an awful twist of fate that Jimmy was the better man between the two of them and was punished for it.

He arrived at the hospital with a copy of the day's English homework and a slice of pizza as olive branches. He figured cafeteria food, no matter how cold, had to be a step up from hospital jell-o and the homework delivery was at Kwan's request. Today in class, they'd finished _Caesar_ and she wanted to be sure Jimmy covered it before the test.

Spinner pictured Jimmy in a toga, staring him down as he tried to explain himself. _E tu, Brute? _He wasn't so great in Literature, but he was pretty sure that handing his friend a story of ultimate betrayal just before he dropped his bomb was called irony.

"Hey, man, did you see Manny anywhere out there?" Jimmy asked the second Spinner entered the room.

"No. Why, what's up with you two lately?" Spinner pulled one of the uncomfortable sitting chairs closer to the bed. "You seem kinda buddy-buddy."

"Nah." Jimmy looked vaguely upset as he answered. "We're not really anything. So, what brings you by?"

"Well, you fainting in the middle of the school day, for starters," Spinner began nervously. "You sure you're feeling okay?"

"I'm fine, I just got a little stressed, that's all."

"Maybe this isn't the best time, then," Spinner murmured.

"Best time for what? Spin? What's up, man?"

Spinner sighed. He had to just get it out before he lost his nerve. "Jimmy, man, I gotta tell you something. I know ... I know why Rick shot you."

"Because of that stupid prank."

"No. Well, yeah. But, I mean, I know why he thought you were to blame."

"Okay." Jimmy looked puzzled as he prompted, "Why?"

"Jay and I made him ..." he looked away, his voice dropping to a whisper, "... think it was you."

The entire balance of the room seemed to change with Jimmy shifting to sit up straighter in bed. "What are you talking about, Spin?"

"I helped Jay and Alex set the whole thing up. We just wanted Rick to see that he was unwelcome at Degrassi after what he did to Terri," Spinner rushed to explain. "We thought he'd just take the hint and leave. And then, later, we saw him hiding in the bathroom and we just ... we made him think you'd been in on it, too."

"You did that to him?" Jimmy glanced around at the various machines he was hooked up to, the wheelchair that sat in the corner. "You ... you did this to me?"

"We never thought it'd go so far," Spinner tried desperately to make him understand. "If I'd known it would end up like this, Jimmy ... you have to know, man, I would never have even thought about going through with it. I ... I wish it had been me."

Jimmy's stare was burning hot and full of blame. "Yeah?" he said finally, and his voice was the exact opposite, so icy that it froze the blood in Spinner's veins. "I'm kinda wishing the same thing."

"Jimmy, man -"

"Get out. _Out_," he ordered, more forcefully, when Spinner stayed rooted in place. "I mean it, Spin. You have no idea how much I mean it."

"I'm sorry, Jimmy. I'm really sorry," he tried again as he backed out of the room, but even he could tell it was too little, and far, far too late. Sorry couldn't even begin to repair the damage he'd done. Nothing could.

XXX

The clatter of forks scraping against plates and glasses clinking as they were set back on the table was all that could be heard at the Nelson-Simpson kitchen table. Snake was just about to start the meal's conversation with the traditional inquire about everyone's day when Manny's cell phone rang loudly, interrupting the steady routine of dinner.

She dug for the offensive item in the bag slung across the back of her chair, grimacing apologetically at her temporary host parents. "Sorry, I'll turn it -" A glance down revealed that the caller was Jimmy, "Um. It's my Mom. I have to take this."

"Of course, hon," Spike said distractedly, passing the carrots to Emma and shaking Jack's bottle simultaneously. "Tell her I say hi."

"Sure thing." Manny forced a smile, wrenched her eyes away from the easy way the family interacted, and hurried down to Emma's room. "Hello?"

"Manny?" His voice came sounded strange, somewhat ... tight, she decided. As if it was a strain to form coherent sentences and breathe at the same time. "Hey. Listen, I wanted to say I was sorry for earlier. I didn't ... mean what I said. I wasn't really thinking straight."

"Well, how _were_ you thinking?" she asked. His words at the hospital had stung more than she'd let on. She'd already been discarded by one boy she'd thought cared for her, Jimmy making it two had been grounds for a crying jag on the bus ride home. "'Cause you were pretty rude."

"I know." Jimmy sighed and Manny softened at the exhaustion in the sound. "I know. It's just ... I woke up in the hospital again and I thought, this is how the rest of my life will be. I mean, I have to face it, Manny, really face it. I'm a cripple. And I just didn't want to be a burden on you. You don't deserve that."

"Jimmy." Manny leaned into the pillows piled on Emma's bed. "You just spent a week walking me through the most painful, heartbreaking experience of my life. And you barely even knew me when you agreed to do it. Even today, you stood up to Craig for me when you didn't have to. So there's no way I'm not gonna stand by you through every single minute of your recovery."

She stressed the last word, the absolute certainty in her voice speaking volumes. Jimmy half-smiled at the faith she had, but said nothing. A moment of silence passed. Then he cleared his throat. "Can I tell you something?"

"Of course."

"Spinner came by today, right after you did. He told me ... he told me he's the reason I got shot. He and Jay made Rick think I planned that whole stupid joke with the paint.

"He was - he was mad at me." He stumbled over the words, unsure of how to relate the severity of this betrayal. "He was _mad _at me, so he thought it'd be funny if Rick blamed me. My best friend is partly responsible for the fact that I might never walk again."

"Oh, Jimmy. Do you want me to come down there and sit with you for awhile? I'll sneak in some of Spike's leftover vegetarian surprise for you. It's not half as bad as it sounds."

Jimmy glanced at the slice of pizza Spinner had brought that still laid, untouched, on the nightstand. "No, thanks, I don't think I can stomach anything with the word 'surprise' in it right now. And visiting hours end soon, anyway."

"Okay." She thought briefly of the family unit upstairs, talking and laughing together as they always did, as her own family was no longer capable of doing, and settled deeper into the cushions. "Want me to stay on the phone for a bit?"

He shifted his cell from one ear to the other, uncomfortable with asking the favor even though they were miles apart. "If you don't have anything better to do," he hedged.

Manny smiled at his hesitance. "Trust me," she assured, "I really don't."


	9. Think About Me

-1**Think About Me**

_You turn your pretty head if it gets real_

"Manny!"

She stopped on her way to meet Jimmy for lunch and turned warily. "What do you want, Craig?"

"I, uh, just wanted to talk," he said, sounding strangely nervous. "Do you have a minute?"

Manny sighed and checked her watch. "Well, yeah, I guess," she assented reluctantly. She knew Jimmy was probably already waiting, as he was allowed out of class a few minutes early. "But just a minute, seriously."

"Good. I just ... I wanted to apologize to you. About the way I acted the other day, when you told me ... when you told me what you did." Craig wet his lips. "It was kind of a shock, that's all, and I really didn't mean to be such a jerk to you."

Of all the things she'd been expecting from him, an apology had been nowhere near the top of the list. Manny shook herself out of her shock to respond. "Oh. Wow. Craig, that's ... really nice of you. Um. Apology accepted."

Relief swamped his handsome features. The small smile he offered would once have stopped her heart, but she noted the curve of his lips now and felt nothing. "Great. So we're ... okay, then?"

Manny nodded distractedly, in awe of her sudden lack of response to the boy she'd believed herself to be in love with since Grade Seven. "Yeah, Craig. We're okay."

"'Kay. Tell Jimmy ... " he shrugged, at a loss. "Tell him I'm pulling for him."

"I will," she assured, giving him a genuine smile. "See you around, Craig."

With that, Manny did something she'd never thought she'd be capable of - walked away from Craig Manning without looking back.

XXX

"You will _not _believe what just happened."

Jimmy looked up from his tuna sandwich at the declaration and found Manny standing at his shoulder, grinning from ear to ear. "Do I get three guesses?"

"If you want 'em," she giggled, sliding into the seat next to him and opening her brown bag with a flourish. "Spike packed me a lunch this morning, how cute is that?"

"Very cute," he laughed with her, loving how excited she looked at the prospect of a homemade lunch. "Okay. First guess. Hmm. Emma told you she was giving up vegetarianism for a life of extra rare hamburgers and tacos with real meat in them?"

"Not in this lifetime," Manny denied. "Em loves her tofu. Give up yet?"

"Don't rush me, I've got two more! Let's see. You scored an A on Kwan's latest paper?"

"A minus, actually, but not what I was referring to."

"Oh, well, congratulations, anyway. Okay. Last one. Gotta make it count. Um ... oh, I've got it. You beat out Paige for captain of the Spirit Squad!"

Laughter bubbled out of Manny's throat, forcing her to pause in her consumption of Spike's delicious meal. "Nice try, Brooks, but are you kidding? Paige _owns_ those girls."

"You're right, you're right. I should've known better." Shaking his head in mock-disappointment, Jimmy heaved a sigh. "Okay. I know when I'm beat. What just happened to you?"

"Craig apologized!" Realizing she had practically squealed the news, Manny glanced around the cafeteria and quieted. "He caught up to me in the hall and told me how sorry he was for being such an ass."

Craig. He should've known. Anything that put such a glow on Manny's cheeks had to be somehow related to that jerk. Jimmy forced himself to act upbeat. "That's great, Manny. I'm happy for you."

"That's not the best part," she brushed aside impatiently.

Jimmy's jaw clenched. Could Craig possibly have realized what a mistake he'd made in letting her go and asked her back out? Were they together again? _None of your business, man_, he reminded himself, preparing for the worst.

"I realized I'm completely over him!" she revealed. At Jimmy's stunned silence, she nodded enthusiastically. "Yep. I didn't expect it either but I was just looking at him and I realized ... I felt absolutely nothing. The butterflies he used to give me are gone."

"That's great, Manny," he repeated, but this time, the words were flooded with sincerity. "We should celebrate. What do you think? Dinner tonight at the Dot? Eight o'clock?"

Manny's eyes shone as she nodded happily at him over the drink she'd raised to her lips. Swallowing a sip of water, she knocked the plastic bottle against his and winked. "It's a date."

XXX

"Sorry I'm late!"

Manny rushed into the diner at 8:17, hair flying around her shoulders as she hurried to take her place across from him at the table. She fell into her seat, breathless and flushed, and the smile she shot him threatened to put him in a similar seat.

"Sorry," she said again, "It was a little hectic trying to get out of Em's house. That family is absolutely insane."

"It's cool," he laughed, sounding much more relaxed than he'd been a minute ago. "I ordered burgers and fries for the both of us, is that okay?"

"And a Dr. Pepper!" Spotting the second glass on the table, she pulled it closer and took a long drink. "Thanks, Jimmy. You sure know the way to a girl's heart."

"Yeah, well, I'm a bit of an expert," he bragged, puffing out his chest.

"Oh, really, Rico Suave? Do tell."

"A gentleman never tells," he denied her dramatically.

Manny snorted. "That's okay, I don't see any gentlemen around here."

"Ouch. I'll have you know, I have impeccable manners and -"

"Great taste in food," she cut him off excitedly as their meals arrived. "Those look delicious!"

"Try eating them and see how they taste," he advised, and they both dug in.

The meal passed in a flurry of good-natured bantering and periodic eruptions of laughter that caused the other patrons to look up and see what all the commotion was about. Manny covered her mouth when she laughed particularly hard, a trait Jimmy found ridiculously endearing. By the end of the night, he was convinced he had enough courage to make his move.

At the end of the Nelson-Simpson's driveway, they paused, both waiting for the other to set the tone of their good-bye. Manny studied the ground, unconsciously biting her lip, until Jimmy reached out and laced his fingers through hers.

"Listen, Manny. I've been thinking a lot lately and I realized ... I realized something important. Ever since the shooting, I haven't felt like myself. At least, not all the way. There's been something missing since I first woke up. Except when I'm with you." He shrugged. "You make me remember what I was like before. And I think ... I think we have something."

"Of course we have something," Manny cut in. She was panicking. She was in no way ready for what she thought Jimmy might be about to say. "We have such a great friendship, Jimmy. No one besides Emma has ever been there for me like you have. You know how much I appreciate that, right?"

"Yeah. Uh, yeah. That's what I was trying to get at," Jimmy said numbly. He knew exactly what she wasn't saying. "You're a great friend, Manny. I just wanted to thank you for putting up with me and all my issues, that's all."

"Ditto," she smiled, relieved. Bending, she kissed his cheek chastely, and disappeared inside, leaving Jimmy alone in the dark.


	10. Here Is Gone

-1**Here Is Gone**

_And we wake up in the breakdown_

_Of the things we never thought we could be_

Manny approached Jimmy's locker the next day with a bright smile pasted on her face. She was determined to set their relationship back on the right track and bypass any awkwardness last night might have provided. "Hey, Jimmy. Did you do the reading for Kwan today?"

"Yeah," he said shortly, slamming the locker shut. "Good stuff. I gotta go, I'm gonna be late."

"For what? The bell hasn't even rung yet."

He ignored her. "I'll catch you later."

"Jimmy -" Her voice trailed off as he wheeled away. Manny sighed and pursed her lips. "Great. Just great."

"Talking to yourself?"

Emma appeared, clutching her books to her chest and leaning one shoulder against the wall. "'Cause, you know," she continued, "That's the first sign of quite a few serious mental illnesses."

Manny exhaled loudly. "Do I get to pick which one?"

Emma's eyebrows knitted together. "What's going on?"

"I don't know." She watched Jimmy's retreating form until he'd been swallowed up by the crowd. "Jimmy's being weird."

"Think is has anything to do with the fact that you shut him down?" Emma suggested sardonically.

"Em!" Manny glared. "Don't be a jerk. I didn't shut him down."

"Are you sure about that? 'Cause from everything you told me last night, it sure sounds like you did."

"I just thanked him for being such a good friend."

Emma shook her head. For such a smart girl, Manny sure could play dumb when she wanted to. There wasn't a doubt in her mind that her friend knew exactly what Jimmy had been trying to get at last night. And there wasn't a doubt in her mind that it was exactly what Manny really needed.

"Manny. Don't be an idiot," she counseled. "You know what he wants. And you know you want the same thing. Why are you being so stubborn about it?"

Manny shook her head. "Do you know how messed up I am right now, Em? I just ended the most dramatic relationship of my entire life. I was knocked up by a boy who couldn't have cared less. I had a baby in me and I _don't _anymore.

"If I start something with Jimmy, I'm scared ... no," she decided, "I'm _terrified _that I'll wreck it. He's got enough on his plate right now, and he's such a great guy, perfect, really, and he just doesn't deserve all my stupid issues."

"Manny, it's not a matter of whether he deserves them. It's whether or not he wants to take them on. And guess what? Jimmy wants to." Emma's eyes twinkled knowingly. "So let him."

XXX

Emma's words echoed in Manny's ears throughout the day. By the time she reached the cafeteria for her daily meal with Jimmy, she was so confused she could barely walk straight. Jimmy was going through a whole lot right now. She wasn't sure it'd be fair to either of them to drag him into a relationship, especially considering her track record with guys.

But on the other hand, he hadn't looked too thrilled with her when she turned him down, either. And she knew she hadn't been happy about it. Maybe _that_ was the unfair thing. They'd helped each other out a lot in the past few weeks.

She was going to talk to him about it. Her mind was made up. She needed to just lay all her cards out on the table and see what he thought.

Of course, that would require him actually showing up. She sat at their usual table by herself, her food untouched in front of her, her head down, for half the lunch period. "This is ridiculous," she mumbled finally, with fifteen minutes left, and marched out of the cafeteria.

She found him right where she'd thought she would, sulking in the gym and taking half-hearted shots from the foul line. "Avoiding me?"

He didn't look all that surprised that he'd been caught. "Just practicing."

"Still got a pretty decent shot, there, superstar," Manny commented, catching the rebound and dribbling a few times.

Jimmy nodded grimly, his eyes trained on the hoop. "Pretty big waste, don't you think?"

"Jimmy." Disappointment coated his name and they both cringed at the way it sounded. "Don't talk like that. Please, you know you're going to make a full recovery. It just takes time."

"I don't _know_ anything," he said irritably, shooting her a dark look. "Or anyone, apparently."

Manny steeled herself. He obviously wasn't going to make this very easy. "Jimmy. If you're mad about last night ..."

"Why would I be mad about last night?" he interrupted. "Nothing happened. And, I mean, we're _such _good friends. I could never be mad at you."

Manny's face fell at the sarcasm in his tone. "You don't sound very happy about being friends," she noted, her voice small.

Jimmy knew, deep down, that he was being unreasonable. He knew he couldn't be mad at Manny if she chose not to be with him. And he knew there were a dozen reasons that supported her decision - first and most important, that he was wheelchair-bound for the foreseeable future.

But still. He couldn't seem to help himself. Her rejection had hurt, a deeper, more relentless kind of pain than his leg provided on a daily basis. He had no idea how to recover from something like that. But he knew he couldn't even begin to move on if she was still around, smiling kindly, eyes shining with pity.

"Listen, Manny. I get it, okay? You don't want to be with me. It's fine, really. I don't even blame you. Who wants to walk down the street next to the guy in the wheelchair? What high school girl needs a boyfriend who takes a handicapped van to school and a ramp into the building, right?"

"Jimmy, you are _not_ just a guy in a wheelchair," she argued.

"You know what, Manny, save your breath. I don't need you or your pity."

"Pity? You think I feel sorry for you? You didn't deserve what Rick did to you, Jimmy, but guess what? It could _actually_ have been worse. So, no, I don't feel sorry for you at all. I think you were lucky, I think you were brave, and I think you have to make a _choice_. I think you have to choose to stop thinking the worst of people just because of one screwed up kid and a giant mistake. I think you need to choose to start living your life again, on _your_ terms, prognosis be damned."

"Like the choice you made so you could start living your life again?"

As soon as the words left his lips, he regretted them. Manny recoiled as if he'd struck her, the color draining from her face. "Oh ... wow," she whispered, taking a step back.

Jimmy immediately started to backpedal. "Manny, I didn't mean - that was out of line, I don't think ... I'm sorry. Manny, I'm sorry."

"It's fine," she said stiffly, shaking her head to ward off his apology. "It's good, actually. Good to know how you really feel."

"That's not -"

"I'm just a stupid, slutty girl who got knocked up and couldn't be bothered to deal with it, right, Jimmy? _Right?_" She launched the basketball, with surprising force, at the wall. "Well, hey, it's what everyone else thinks. I'm actually surprised it took you so long to come to the same conclusion."

Manny turned to walk away, then changed her mind and stormed right up to him, bracing herself on the armrests of his chair to better get in his face. "I want you to know one thing, Jimmy Brooks, and then I'm walking out of this gym and leaving you here to _rot _the way you'd like to."

She looked him dead in the eye, wanting to be sure her point got across. "You may not be the guy you thought you were going to be, but you're also not half the man I thought you were. And for that ... I feel sorry for both of us."


	11. Truth Is A Whisper

-1**Truth Is A Whisper**

_Can you teach me to believe in something?_

"The doctor tells me you've made remarkable progress in the past month." Pursing her lips, Claire peered at him over the rims of her glasses, a move that never failed to make him want to rip his hair out. "I wish I could say the same."

"Well, you could," he suggested, "And then we could stop having these ridiculous sessions every week."

"See, _that_," she noded as if his attitude was a tangible thing in the room with them, "proves my point nicely. You seem to be even more surly than when the accident first occurred."

"Don't call it an accident," he said, avoiding her analysis. "It wasn't. Rick shot me deliberately. Spinner made sure of that."

"Oh, I see."

The note of triumph in her voice irritated him. "No, you don't see, Claire. You probably wish it was that easy, but it's not. You have no idea what it feels like to wake up and not be able to use your legs. And you definitely don't know how it feels to find out that your paralysis was caused by the guy you've known since Grade Four."

"But you're not paralyzed, Jimmy. Not completely. Dr. Bedengfield has been keeping me informed on your PT. To hear that you've graduated to walking short distances is _wonderful_."

"I can walk across a room," he blew off. "It takes about fifteen minutes and hurts for the next thirty, so excuse me that I'm not exactly thrilled."

"It's more than anyone ever expected," Claire persisted. "The work you've done in the past month has accomplished _twice _what the majority of patients with your prognosis have ever been able to do. I'd love to know what your inspiration is."

The thing was, she really did look genuinely curious. Not interested from a professional standpoint, not bored and asking merely out of a contractual obligation. No, Claire was leaning forward, elbows on the desk, chin in her hands, peering at him with actual, honest-to-god curiosity.

Jimmy hesitated. He knew what the answer was. It seemed like every aspect of his life these days boiled back down to the same thing. He just wasn't sure if he wanted to confess to his therapist that all his drive, all his motivation, stemmed from the fact that he needed to prove himself to the girl he loved.

He needed Manny to look at him and see _him_. Not the wheelchair, not crutches, not a charity case or a cripple. He knew he'd been wrong to lash out at her the way he had during their last argument. He knew how much he'd hurt her - it'd been almost a month, for Pete's sake, and she still wouldn't take his phone calls. And he knew that, when he apologized, whether or not it fixed things, whether or not she took him back, it had to be because of him.

He wanted her to be looking in his eyes, not at his legs, when she said yes or no. No excuses, no entrapments. It was the reason he'd sweat through the workouts and cried in their aftermath, when the pain of the day's exercises still ruminated deep in his muscles.

Manny was his inspiration. Manny was his hope.

His face must have been betraying the nature of his thoughts because just as Jimmy came back to Earth, Claire sat up straight. "Oh, I see," she said again, softer than before, like she truly did understand. "Well. Jimmy, I'll make a deal with you. I'll sign the papers that end our sessions forever ... if you come back and let me know how this all turned out for you."

"That's it?" Jimmy asked in disbelief, grabbing onto her outstretched hand. "You've got yourself a deal."

Claire smiled as they shook on it. "Best of luck to you, Jimmy Brooks."

XXX

Manny was in a rush. She was late to meet Emma at The Dot and had about a dozen other errands to run between their meeting and a session with her math tutor. She burst through the diner's doors and glanced around, finding her blond friend nowhere in sight.

"You waiting for Emma?" Spinner asked, pausing in clearing a table to approach Manny.

She nodded. "How'd you know?"

Spinner shrugged. "She called here, told me you'd be coming in. She said she wanted to let you know she'd be a little late."

Manny's nose wrinkled. "Emma's never late."

He shrugged again. "First time for everything, I guess. Here, let me just wipe off this booth, you can sit down and wait for her."

Slightly confused, Manny slid into the seat and folded her hands. Spinner hurried into the back, reappearing with a strawberry frappe and a black coffee and setting them both down. "Oh, the frappe looks great," she told him, "But Em's not a coffee person. She'll probably order a vanilla shake."

"Right, I'll be right back," Spinner said. The bells over the entrance rang, signaling a new arrival, and he hurried away, leaving the coffee on the table.

"This seat taken?"

Manny froze. Even without looking up, she recognized the voice. "Who wants to know?" she directed the question to her frappe. "My friend Jimmy, the nice guy, or the asshole from the gym?"

"Your friend," he answered firmly, sliding in across from her.

Manny looked up at that. "Oh, actually, Emma's meeting ... oh my God. You're not ... where's your chair?"

"Damn." He snapped his fingers. "I _knew _I was missing something."

"Ah!" Forgetting herself, Manny hurried around to his side and threw her arms around his neck. "Jimmy! I'm so proud of you! See? What'd I tell you? I knew you could do it."

She pulled away, seeming to remember exactly where they'd left off in their relationship. "Sorry," she apologized, putting the table between them again. "I'm just ... wow, I'm just so happy for you."

"Thanks." He smiled shyly, masking the disappointment he felt at her sudden departure. "Listen, Manny, Emma's not coming."

"She's ... not? Why not?"

"I asked her to lie so that I could meet you here. I just ... I wanted to thank you. I needed to see you," he corrected himself. "I needed you to know that I'm walking again and it's all because of you."

"Jimmy ..."

He silenced her protests. "No, really. You believed in me even when I didn't believe in myself. And I also needed you to know that whatever you thought I meant that day in the gym, I didn't. I don't think of you that way. I mean ... you're probably the best thing that's ever happened to me."

Though touched by his words, Manny refused to yield so easily. "Jimmy ... I accept your apology. But I can't take credit for your recovery."

"Well, I'll admit I did the legwork," he chuckled. "But I wouldn't have gotten through it if I hadn't met you. Really. Manny, I think I could be in love with you."

She stared. "You ... you ... what?"

"I'm in love with you," he repeated, much more definitely. "And I'm sorry I hurt you and I want to make it up to you ... preferably, for the rest of our lives. If you'd let me, that is."

"Jimmy." Manny was blown away. "We haven't even spoken in a month. Last time we talked, we were screaming at each other."

"I was mad," he said. "I made you mad. But worse, I made you sad. I don't want to do that, Manny. I don't want to be the reason you're anything but happy."

"Well, you're on a roll, then," she admitted, a dazzling smile spreading slowly across her face. "Because I think, right now, I'm the happiest I've ever been."

Jimmy paused, watching her face carefully. "Does that mean what I think it means?"

"If you think it means that you'd better show off your new skills, stand up, and kiss me ..." her eyes sparkled at him, bringing him to life. "Then yes."

Grinning, he did just that.


	12. You Never Know

-1Hi everyone! So this is it, the end of Gutterflower, finally! I just wanted to take a sec and thank everyone who read and reviewed, this wouldn't have been finished without any of you, so I hope you all enjoyed it!

**You Never Know**

_Was it you who told me I'm your everything?_

Jimmy Brooks graduated on an unseasonably warm day in May.

In the preceding days, he was forced to work like a madman. There were weeks of missed work to make up, scholarship applications to fill out, dorm supplies to be bought. Much to his surprise, every school he'd applied to had accepted him, despite him no longer being of any use on an athletic team.

He would start a new chapter of his life in the fall. Oddly enough, Paige would be beside him - they'd both had the same first choice, and both been accepted. Jimmy had spoken to his roommate twice on the phone and was excited to meet the guy. They shared an acute interest in sports, although Ethan leaned towards football and lacrosse while Jimmy would always put basketball first.

The coach had contacted Jimmy two days after his acceptance letter arrived in the mail. It turned out, he'd been scouting Jimmy before the shooting. He was sorry to hear about the incident, but if Jimmy was interested, there was an assistant coaching position available and they sure could use someone with his expertise on the team.

Of course, Jimmy had jumped at the opportunity. If coaching was as close as he could get to playing, he'd take it and be happy. It wasn't so hard to be happy nowadays.

"Jimmy?" Claire's pen hit the legal pad three times. "Jimmy, what are you thinking about?"

He shook his head to clear it. "Oh, sorry. I zoned out for a minute."

"It's fine," she allowed, knowing exactly where his head had been. "I'd be excited, too, if I had graduation tomorrow. But I have real patients to see soon, the kind who pay. So? How did it all work out? I've been dying of suspense."

"It worked out ... even better than I could have planned," Jimmy answered, giving her the first genuine smile in the entire time they'd known each other. "She was waiting for me at The Dot just like Emma'd said she would be. And I just ... looked at her and knew I was doing the right thing.

"I told her I was sorry for all the stupid stuff that I did, that I never meant to hurt her. And I told her ... I told her I loved her," Jimmy said simply. "That was all. Turned out she loves me, too, so I guess things are looking up."

"I guess so." Claire set her pen down and sat back in her chair, steepling her fingers. "You know, I have to say, Jimmy, I'm impressed. When I first met you, I could see your potential right away, but there was a long time where I didn't think you had it in you to make it through."

Unoffended, he leaned forward to divulge the secret of his success. "That's because it wasn't in _me_. It was her."

"Surely you can't truly believe that a girl is the reason you were able to regain use of your legs," she protested, a woman of science. "It doesn't compute, Jimmy."

"Oh, I made it happen. But I would've been able to do that eventually no matter what. Manny's the one who gave me a reason to want to, that's all. She's why I'm standing here - literally," he chuckled. "Trust me. It was her."

XXX

Manny Santos was there the day Jimmy Brooks changed Degrassi's history forever.

Actually, she had a front row seat, having arrived about an hour before the ceremony was set to begin. The opening speeches - one from the mayor, one from Raditch, three from random class officers, Liberty included, one from the valedictorian, and finally, one from Jimmy himself.

Raditch had the honor of introducing him. "As I'm sure you're all aware, this year was one of the most challenging in Degrassi's history. Fortunately, the spirit of the school and the kids prevailed. This is most exemplified in one of our graduates today, Jimmy Brooks.

"Injured in the shooting in March, Jimmy has made a remarkable recovery and regained full use of his legs. Before accepting his diploma today, Jimmy has agreed to say a few words, so I hope you'll all join me in giving him a round of applause."

Jimmy, who'd been granted a seat of honor amongst the town's political figures at the back of the stage, stepped up to the podium amidst the clapping. "Thank you, Mr. Raditch. Um. I know you've all probably heard a lot about the shooting, but I'd like to set the record straight about a few things.

"For one thing, Rick wasn't crazy. He wasn't sick, or mentally ill, or any other excuse the media invented to explain his actions. He was just a kid. And he was tired of being made fun of. And he was hurting." Jimmy scanned the crowd of caps and gowns, found Spinner's eyes. "So he did something about it. It wasn't the right thing, not even close, but ... I forgave him a long time ago."

When he was sure his friend understood the message, Jimmy moved on. "And for another thing ... I'm not the hero I've been made out to be. I may have been hurt, and I may have moved on from it, but there's so much more to the story than that.

"There's Sean Cameron, another graduate today, who wrestled the gun from Rick to save the lives of other students." In the audience, Emma squeezed Sean's hand and he returned the pressure. "And Craig Manning, a friend of mine, who found me and alerted the paramedics. Without him, I probably wouldn't be where I am today." Craig's eyes flew to his and he nodded once, sealing the truce.

"There's the doctors and nurses who made it possible for me to get the help I needed. My family, who stood by me even when I thought I didn't want them there. And there's someone else who helped save my life, someone you probably haven't heard much about. Manny Santos."

There was a collective murmur in the crowd as they reacted to that news. Manny ducked her head, a blush working its way from her collarbone to her cheeks as, slowly, a hundred pairs of eyes turned to her.

"I tell her every day, but I don't think she'll ever truly understand what she did for me," Jimmy told the crowd. "The doctors may have given me the means to get well, but she gave me the motivation. And my only hope for the members of the class of 2006 is this:

"That you find a way to overcome adversity, no matter how it finds you. That you be forced to struggle, that you face obstacles and setbacks every day and, because of them, you appreciate everything you have all the more. That one day, you find someone that gives you the passion and the drive to succeed, to turn a disaster into a blessing, a failure into the best thing that's ever happened to you."

The audience surged to its feet on a wave of applause and cheers. Raditch had to shout into the microphone his next words, "Ladies and gentlemen, Degrassi's finest, Jimmy Brooks."

Holding his head high, Jimmy crossed the stage to the mayor, his steps small but sure. The mayor gripped his hand for an extra second, congratulating him on a job well done, but Jimmy barely heard. All of his attention was fixed on Manny, who stood just beyond the mayor waiting for him, eyes shining with love.

"All the best, son," the mayor finished, finally relinquishing Jimmy's diploma.

"Thank you, sir, thanks very much."

Jimmy paused to switch his tassel from left to right and then, diploma in hand, walked straight into Manny's waiting arms and into his future.


End file.
